Strategy #6: You Can Forgive Yourself and Others
Part 1 - Forgiveness
Forgiveness has been associated with spiritual and emotional healing since the dawn of mankind.
It is difficult to be “kind” if you are not forgiving. If you have a life pattern of forgiveness, others will view you as “kind.”
Forgiveness has also been of interesting is psychology and neuroscience. Researchers have postulated that there is a set of processes between brain structure and function that allows a person to think and feel in ways that promote forgiveness.
In psychotherapy, forgiveness, which has also been described as “letting go,” is an intervention used for treating psychological disorders.
As a sociological construct, researchers have argued that forgiveness is the glue that binds people together and ameliorates personal differences.
After you err or offend someone – a family member, a lover, a friend, or even an acquaintance – and you want to repair the relationship, you employ forgiveness. The same is true for those who have offended you. Over your lifetime you will forgive others, but you will also need to seek forgiveness if you want to be happy.
In the absence of forgiveness it would be difficult, if not impossible, for people to live together in harmony. This is particularly true in our modern capitalist society where competition and self-interest are ideals that are emphasized. In competition, the goal is to be first or the best or to win over others. If you are a successful competitor you distinguish yourself from the group. Some people do this by taking advantage of others, but even in the fairest of competitions there is always a winner and a loser. The winner receives the prize and the loser often fades away unrecognized.
Competition, of course, is not all bad; it drives us to do better and, for some to accomplish great things. But it does so by putting our abilities up against others’, with the metric of success being the accumulation of winnings that support one’s self-interests. The competitive spirit does not tolerate being outdone by others, nor does it tolerate one’s own personal failures of the inability to reach an individual goal or objective. There is no mercy in competition. If you fail or fall short, you lose.
Forgiveness is, in many ways, counter to the competitive mentality. It involves considering the needs of others and even reconciling with others. Forgiveness promotes the needs of the group of the needs of the individual. It is inclusive in so far as forgiveness brings people together on the same level through the strengthening of positive emotional bonds. In forgiveness there are no winners and losers. Everyone’s a winner and everyone gets a prize.
The Propensity to forgive emerges and matures across the life span. For most people, forgiveness is learned very early in life, and for many, forgiveness is taught within the nuclear family as a way to promote harmony. Even in our public education system we learn that getting along with others depends on the principle of forgiveness. Thus, it is safe to assume that, if queried about forgiveness, no member of society would be unaware of the concept or what it means, although there might be variations with respect to how strongly people believe in the efficacy of forgiveness, as well as where they attribute the source of this principles practice in their lives.
Good forgivers known now only how to forgive, but they also know the steps that they must take to seek and receive forgiveness.
It is difficult to be “kind” if you are not forgiving. If you have a life pattern of forgiveness, others will view you as “kind.”
Forgiveness has also been of interesting is psychology and neuroscience. Researchers have postulated that there is a set of processes between brain structure and function that allows a person to think and feel in ways that promote forgiveness.
In psychotherapy, forgiveness, which has also been described as “letting go,” is an intervention used for treating psychological disorders.
As a sociological construct, researchers have argued that forgiveness is the glue that binds people together and ameliorates personal differences.
After you err or offend someone – a family member, a lover, a friend, or even an acquaintance – and you want to repair the relationship, you employ forgiveness. The same is true for those who have offended you. Over your lifetime you will forgive others, but you will also need to seek forgiveness if you want to be happy.
In the absence of forgiveness it would be difficult, if not impossible, for people to live together in harmony. This is particularly true in our modern capitalist society where competition and self-interest are ideals that are emphasized. In competition, the goal is to be first or the best or to win over others. If you are a successful competitor you distinguish yourself from the group. Some people do this by taking advantage of others, but even in the fairest of competitions there is always a winner and a loser. The winner receives the prize and the loser often fades away unrecognized.
Competition, of course, is not all bad; it drives us to do better and, for some to accomplish great things. But it does so by putting our abilities up against others’, with the metric of success being the accumulation of winnings that support one’s self-interests. The competitive spirit does not tolerate being outdone by others, nor does it tolerate one’s own personal failures of the inability to reach an individual goal or objective. There is no mercy in competition. If you fail or fall short, you lose.
Forgiveness is, in many ways, counter to the competitive mentality. It involves considering the needs of others and even reconciling with others. Forgiveness promotes the needs of the group of the needs of the individual. It is inclusive in so far as forgiveness brings people together on the same level through the strengthening of positive emotional bonds. In forgiveness there are no winners and losers. Everyone’s a winner and everyone gets a prize.
The Propensity to forgive emerges and matures across the life span. For most people, forgiveness is learned very early in life, and for many, forgiveness is taught within the nuclear family as a way to promote harmony. Even in our public education system we learn that getting along with others depends on the principle of forgiveness. Thus, it is safe to assume that, if queried about forgiveness, no member of society would be unaware of the concept or what it means, although there might be variations with respect to how strongly people believe in the efficacy of forgiveness, as well as where they attribute the source of this principles practice in their lives.
Good forgivers known now only how to forgive, but they also know the steps that they must take to seek and receive forgiveness.
Giving Forgiveness
Across your lifetime you will forgive in many different ways; the most common is toward another person. If someone offends you, you can, through forgiveness, heal your hurt. It is noteworthy that forgiving does not require that the offender acknowledge or even feel sorry for the hurt that he or she has caused. Because the source of forgiveness does not rest with the offender, it is entirely within you to give forgiveness. In fact, you can choose to not forgive even if the offender begs for your forgiveness.
This personal feature of forgiveness is what makes it so powerful, that is, you don’t have to depend on others before engaging in forgiveness. This is also true for the positive emotional consequences that follow forgiveness. These are naturally occurring emotions that follow the sincere act of forgiving.
In addition to forgiving others, you can also forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes and will recall experiencing disappointments, shame, or self-condemnation for failure to achieve a goal, for an error in judgement, or for a harmful act. Errors of this sort can cause you to berate yourself and feel miserable.
Research suggests that we are neurologically wired to feel disappointment or self-anger so as to induce us to change our behavior when it goes awry.
However, this kind of self-effacement, if it goes on chronically, can cause serious emotional damage including a lifestyle of negativity and regret. As a central aspect of Positive Aging, self-forgiveness that emerges as a form of self-compassion has been found to produce positive affect and enhanced personal adjustment.
As a Positive Ager, practicing self-forgiveness builds insight and understanding about who you are as an imperfect person who lives in an imperfect world where mistakes and problems will occur.
In the same vein, you can also learn to forgive Nature or God for acts that have harmed you or others. If a natural disaster occurs and your property is destroyed or a loved one is hurt, you may feel angry toward Mother Nature or God. To feel better toward others, yourself, or in the things that you believe requires that you forgive.
Social scientists have been intensely interested in the role of forgiveness as a cumulative life-span force for better living. The science of forgiveness suggests that forgiving requires a special form of self-reflection which involves a worldview that is not idealized and an approach that underscores compassion. Unforgiving comes from rigid expectations that you may place on others, yourself, or your world, and when those expectations are not met, disappointment ensues. Following disappointment, feelings range from mild indignation to rage. A person who is chronically depressed may rehearse such a dynamic many times and will often have difficulty forgiving himself or herself, even for inconsequential events.
Freedom from this maladaptive thinking not only has mental health benefits, there are positive physical consequences as well. In fact, a growing body of research has documented that forgiving reduces the following:
This personal feature of forgiveness is what makes it so powerful, that is, you don’t have to depend on others before engaging in forgiveness. This is also true for the positive emotional consequences that follow forgiveness. These are naturally occurring emotions that follow the sincere act of forgiving.
In addition to forgiving others, you can also forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes and will recall experiencing disappointments, shame, or self-condemnation for failure to achieve a goal, for an error in judgement, or for a harmful act. Errors of this sort can cause you to berate yourself and feel miserable.
Research suggests that we are neurologically wired to feel disappointment or self-anger so as to induce us to change our behavior when it goes awry.
However, this kind of self-effacement, if it goes on chronically, can cause serious emotional damage including a lifestyle of negativity and regret. As a central aspect of Positive Aging, self-forgiveness that emerges as a form of self-compassion has been found to produce positive affect and enhanced personal adjustment.
As a Positive Ager, practicing self-forgiveness builds insight and understanding about who you are as an imperfect person who lives in an imperfect world where mistakes and problems will occur.
In the same vein, you can also learn to forgive Nature or God for acts that have harmed you or others. If a natural disaster occurs and your property is destroyed or a loved one is hurt, you may feel angry toward Mother Nature or God. To feel better toward others, yourself, or in the things that you believe requires that you forgive.
Social scientists have been intensely interested in the role of forgiveness as a cumulative life-span force for better living. The science of forgiveness suggests that forgiving requires a special form of self-reflection which involves a worldview that is not idealized and an approach that underscores compassion. Unforgiving comes from rigid expectations that you may place on others, yourself, or your world, and when those expectations are not met, disappointment ensues. Following disappointment, feelings range from mild indignation to rage. A person who is chronically depressed may rehearse such a dynamic many times and will often have difficulty forgiving himself or herself, even for inconsequential events.
Freedom from this maladaptive thinking not only has mental health benefits, there are positive physical consequences as well. In fact, a growing body of research has documented that forgiving reduces the following:
- Chronic anger and its personal corollaries including depression.
- Hostility.
- High blood pressure and cardiovascular reactivity.
- Susceptibility to disease (preserves immune response).
- Negative emotions.
Although forgiveness has not been directly linked to longevity per se, it is fair to reason that it can protect a person from some disease states (such as cardiovascular disease) by diminishing unhealthy processes that result in stress.
Practicing a lifestyle of forgiveness will result in an increased capacity to mobilize your emotional resources and to feel and think flexibly about yourself, others, and your world.
People who are “good” forgivers tend to focus on the positives, and this in turn works to preserve well-being and the capacity for Positive Aging. Developing a lifestyle pattern of giving forgiveness will help you live better and feel happier during your later years.
Practicing a lifestyle of forgiveness will result in an increased capacity to mobilize your emotional resources and to feel and think flexibly about yourself, others, and your world.
People who are “good” forgivers tend to focus on the positives, and this in turn works to preserve well-being and the capacity for Positive Aging. Developing a lifestyle pattern of giving forgiveness will help you live better and feel happier during your later years.
Seeking Forgiveness
An important component in the process of forgiving is the seeking of forgiveness. The need to seek forgiveness occurs nearly every day for all people across every conceivable circumstance.
For example, if you bump into someone while walking, you might immediately say, “I’m sorry” or “Pardon me” or “Excuse me.”
Those common acknowledgements that a mistake has been made request the receiver of the mistake to not take offense at the wrongful act or the person who committed it.
Consider the last time you were pulled over for a traffic violation. You usually know what you have done wrong and law enforcement is there to acknowledge it. As you sit in your car and the police officer approaches you wish for a miracle and, once in a while, you get your wish. The officer reminds you that you have indeed broken the law, but then says there will be no ticket or fine, just a warning this time.
You are forgiven and you feel relief. Life is good. You may feel better after not receiving this ticket than you did before you were pulled over. In gratitude for this act of forgiveness, you might try harder to obey traffic laws in the future.
The process of forgiveness as shown in this example is that you have committed a wrongful act; you have done harm to another person, thing, or yourself. There is acknowledgment that this wrong has been committed and a consequence must be served. However, if you are sorry or show remorse for having committed a wrongful act, you might be able to reconcile the deed through mercy. Mercy is a form of clemency or kindness extended to someone instead of the strictness or severity of justice. Yes, you made a mistake or an error, but forgiveness indicates that mercy has been extended instead of justice.
Although the topic of forgiveness is well known and is easy to grasp intellectually through simple examples of everyday living, it can be very difficult to master, particularly for those offenses that a victim might deem as being more significant or substantial.
There are a number of forgiveness processes. The social scientist Robert Enright uses guideposts or phrases to operationalize the steps in forgiveness. These phases are outlined below along with specific markers that characterize each phase. Working through each of these phases results in the receiving of forgiveness.
For example, if you bump into someone while walking, you might immediately say, “I’m sorry” or “Pardon me” or “Excuse me.”
Those common acknowledgements that a mistake has been made request the receiver of the mistake to not take offense at the wrongful act or the person who committed it.
Consider the last time you were pulled over for a traffic violation. You usually know what you have done wrong and law enforcement is there to acknowledge it. As you sit in your car and the police officer approaches you wish for a miracle and, once in a while, you get your wish. The officer reminds you that you have indeed broken the law, but then says there will be no ticket or fine, just a warning this time.
You are forgiven and you feel relief. Life is good. You may feel better after not receiving this ticket than you did before you were pulled over. In gratitude for this act of forgiveness, you might try harder to obey traffic laws in the future.
The process of forgiveness as shown in this example is that you have committed a wrongful act; you have done harm to another person, thing, or yourself. There is acknowledgment that this wrong has been committed and a consequence must be served. However, if you are sorry or show remorse for having committed a wrongful act, you might be able to reconcile the deed through mercy. Mercy is a form of clemency or kindness extended to someone instead of the strictness or severity of justice. Yes, you made a mistake or an error, but forgiveness indicates that mercy has been extended instead of justice.
Although the topic of forgiveness is well known and is easy to grasp intellectually through simple examples of everyday living, it can be very difficult to master, particularly for those offenses that a victim might deem as being more significant or substantial.
There are a number of forgiveness processes. The social scientist Robert Enright uses guideposts or phrases to operationalize the steps in forgiveness. These phases are outlined below along with specific markers that characterize each phase. Working through each of these phases results in the receiving of forgiveness.
Guideposts for Seeking Forgiveness
Phase I: Uncovering Guilt and Shame
Phase II: Deciding to Seek Forgiveness
Phase III: Working on Receiving Forgiveness
Phase 4: Discovering
The guideposts process illustrates that seeking forgiveness occurs at two levels. First, an emotional shift occurs when a person realizes that he or she has done something wrong. This is described in Phase I & II. Second, is that the identified act – which is usually labeled a crime, sin, or wrongdoing – is rectified and then reinterpreted as a source of positive meaning before forgiveness is received. Enright effectively utilized this model of forgiveness in treating women who have been abused sexually as children.
For a person to be forgiven she or he must recognize that a wrong has been dong, feel remorseful for it, and then rectify it. Doing so provides relief to the victim of the offense and, in the process, removes the wrongful act from the wrongdoer.
A Jewish approach to forgiveness is instructive of this process because not only does it articulate each component, it also delineates a pathway for returning to a state of worthiness (or teshuvah):
Although seeking forgiveness in this way can be difficult, as it requires publicly admitting or acknowledging a wrongful act, the benefits of receiving forgiveness can yield powerful positive emotions for the wrongdoer, whether the act is forgiven by the victim or not.
- Are you ashamed of what you have done?
- Do you go over and over the event in your mind?
- Have you denied your guilt or pretended that what you did wasn’t harmful?
Phase II: Deciding to Seek Forgiveness
- Recognize that when you wrong another person, you should seek forgiveness.
- Recognize that when another person offers forgiveness, you should be willing to accept it.
Phase III: Working on Receiving Forgiveness
- Work toward gratitude.
- Work toward reconciliation.
- Work toward humility.
Phase 4: Discovering
- Finding meaning in personal failure.
- Realize that you are not alone.
- Make a decision to change.
The guideposts process illustrates that seeking forgiveness occurs at two levels. First, an emotional shift occurs when a person realizes that he or she has done something wrong. This is described in Phase I & II. Second, is that the identified act – which is usually labeled a crime, sin, or wrongdoing – is rectified and then reinterpreted as a source of positive meaning before forgiveness is received. Enright effectively utilized this model of forgiveness in treating women who have been abused sexually as children.
For a person to be forgiven she or he must recognize that a wrong has been dong, feel remorseful for it, and then rectify it. Doing so provides relief to the victim of the offense and, in the process, removes the wrongful act from the wrongdoer.
A Jewish approach to forgiveness is instructive of this process because not only does it articulate each component, it also delineates a pathway for returning to a state of worthiness (or teshuvah):
- The wrongdoer must acknowledge committing a wrongful act.
- There must be a public confession of the wrongdoing by the wrongdoer.
- There must also be a public expression of remorse by the wrongdoer.
- The wrongdoer then announces a resolve not to act in this way again.
- There is an observable compensation paid to the victim of equal (or greater value) of the harm done by the wrong deed.
- A sincere request of forgiveness from the victim must be made.
- The wrongdoer must avoid the conditions in the future that cause the initial offense.
Although seeking forgiveness in this way can be difficult, as it requires publicly admitting or acknowledging a wrongful act, the benefits of receiving forgiveness can yield powerful positive emotions for the wrongdoer, whether the act is forgiven by the victim or not.
Forgiveness and Mobilizing Resources
It takes a special kind of discipline to forgive and change how you think and feel. It is easy to view yourself, your situation, or another person in a resentful way because blaming, feeling victimized, or being taken advantage of places responsibility outside of yourself. The following are self-statements based on the belief that responsibility and fault lies outside of yourself (externally):
Repeating these kinds of statements can lead you into feeling trapped. That brings up the point of how to alter this negative pattern? The easy part is realizing that these statements don’t have to dictate your feelings. The reality is they have no innate power in and of themselves. In fact, you are the source of their power. When you internalize the statements, you counteract the possibility to change.
The hard part is figuring out how to feel differently. The first thing is to realize that you cannot prevent bad things from happening to you. However, you can decide to not let the “bad things” impact you. This is where forgiveness can help in the following ways:
Acknowledge that something bad has happened
Accept that it occurred because the world is not perfect
Understand that you are in charge of how you will interpret how you feel about this event
Decide to choose to not let this negative situation dictate how you feel about yourself
Using forgiveness in this way can transform internalized negative self-perceptions into thoughts that allow a person to move forward, even in the presence of hurt, mistakes, problems, and difficulties.
In later life, some of those negative evens are unavoidable, and even predictable. The older you are, the greater the likelihood that you will acquire a chronic health condition that will impair your function and may even cause you physical pain. To think otherwise would be naïve. However, you are not required to allow circumstances to determine your sense of well-being.
If you practice cultivating a forgiving attitude you will learn to let go of resentment and self-condemnation as challenges arise. Through forgiveness, you can focus on what you are still capable of enjoying, even in the presence of serious personal difficulties.
- I am a victim.
- I hate you for doing this to me.
- You are responsible for my problems.
- I can’t do anything about my situation.
Repeating these kinds of statements can lead you into feeling trapped. That brings up the point of how to alter this negative pattern? The easy part is realizing that these statements don’t have to dictate your feelings. The reality is they have no innate power in and of themselves. In fact, you are the source of their power. When you internalize the statements, you counteract the possibility to change.
The hard part is figuring out how to feel differently. The first thing is to realize that you cannot prevent bad things from happening to you. However, you can decide to not let the “bad things” impact you. This is where forgiveness can help in the following ways:
Acknowledge that something bad has happened
Accept that it occurred because the world is not perfect
Understand that you are in charge of how you will interpret how you feel about this event
Decide to choose to not let this negative situation dictate how you feel about yourself
Using forgiveness in this way can transform internalized negative self-perceptions into thoughts that allow a person to move forward, even in the presence of hurt, mistakes, problems, and difficulties.
In later life, some of those negative evens are unavoidable, and even predictable. The older you are, the greater the likelihood that you will acquire a chronic health condition that will impair your function and may even cause you physical pain. To think otherwise would be naïve. However, you are not required to allow circumstances to determine your sense of well-being.
If you practice cultivating a forgiving attitude you will learn to let go of resentment and self-condemnation as challenges arise. Through forgiveness, you can focus on what you are still capable of enjoying, even in the presence of serious personal difficulties.
Forgiveness and Flexibility
Anger and resentment are inflexible patterns of thinking. When you resent another person you almost always experience a desire to seek revenge or retribution. This, of course, sets in motion a self-destructive fixated cycle that can only end in personal disappointment. When you look down this path and realize that there is nothing but misery at the end, it is time to choose another way.
Forgiveness can be the alternative option. Strategies that are part of a forgiving response such as reframing resentment, putting aside a grudge, or suspending a judgment all involve a degree of flexibility in thinking.
Flexibility in how we think, feel, and behave as we grow older is essential to change our view of difficulties when they arise. If you lose a loved one to death, it is no longer possible to hold on to that relationship. Therefore, you must think differently and find new ways to meet old needs. Letting go of the resentment of loss opens the door to this kind of flexible thinking.
Positive Agers employ the skill of forgiveness to cultivate hope even when personal circumstances indicate that little hope exists.
Forgiveness can be the alternative option. Strategies that are part of a forgiving response such as reframing resentment, putting aside a grudge, or suspending a judgment all involve a degree of flexibility in thinking.
Flexibility in how we think, feel, and behave as we grow older is essential to change our view of difficulties when they arise. If you lose a loved one to death, it is no longer possible to hold on to that relationship. Therefore, you must think differently and find new ways to meet old needs. Letting go of the resentment of loss opens the door to this kind of flexible thinking.
Positive Agers employ the skill of forgiveness to cultivate hope even when personal circumstances indicate that little hope exists.
Forgiveness As a Positive Life Choice
As you engage in forgiveness, it changes you and shapes your life. This change is manifested in how you view problems or issues. Fears that your problems will overwhelm you and destroy your quality of life can be diminished through forgiveness.
This capacity to understand that life is difficult whether it is due to your own actions, your circumstances, or the acts of others, but to accept that this does not mean that you can not be happy, requires interpreting external events in such a way that they do not disrupt your internal sense of satisfaction.
Forgiveness is entirely under the control of the forgiver (or the person who is sincerely seeking forgiveness). If you seek forgiveness and someone refuses to forgive you, you will benefit from the action you took. You will find peace of mind in the present even when loss occurs. It does not matter whether your sincere act of forgiveness is rebuffed or ignored or accepted by others. Your effort to forgive helps you to let go of feelings of guilt or anger towards problems.
Forgiveness helps you and, secondarily, it benefits others. This is why individuals who learn how to develop a life pattern of forgiveness inevitably learn to find peace of mind regardless of what befalls them.
This capacity to understand that life is difficult whether it is due to your own actions, your circumstances, or the acts of others, but to accept that this does not mean that you can not be happy, requires interpreting external events in such a way that they do not disrupt your internal sense of satisfaction.
Forgiveness is entirely under the control of the forgiver (or the person who is sincerely seeking forgiveness). If you seek forgiveness and someone refuses to forgive you, you will benefit from the action you took. You will find peace of mind in the present even when loss occurs. It does not matter whether your sincere act of forgiveness is rebuffed or ignored or accepted by others. Your effort to forgive helps you to let go of feelings of guilt or anger towards problems.
Forgiveness helps you and, secondarily, it benefits others. This is why individuals who learn how to develop a life pattern of forgiveness inevitably learn to find peace of mind regardless of what befalls them.
Forgiveness As a Way to Focus on the Positives
Negativity and anger entrench people in their problems. Forgiveness can help you reframe your difficulties in a positive light. This does not mean that all problems have a silver lining, or that you will not struggle to address a difficult issue, but it does mean that through forgiveness you have a source of framing problems that yields an outcome which enhances, rather than detracts, from your well-being.
As you engage in forgiveness, it changes you and shapes your life. This change comes in how you view problems or issues. Your fears that problems will overwhelm you and affect your quality of life will diminish because your source of well-being does not come from fighting off problems, but from letting go of the imperfections of the world.
Viewing problems as opportunities is embedded in a forgiveness approach. This does not mean that all problems will be solved or that you won’t struggle to address issues, but it does mean that you have a source of reframing a problem in such a way that it yields an outcome that enhances rather than takes away from your well-being.
Engaging forgiveness fosters life patterns that will influence how you feel about others as well as how others feel about you. To develop a lifestyle that is motivated by forgiveness keep these concepts in mind:
As you engage in forgiveness, it changes you and shapes your life. This change comes in how you view problems or issues. Your fears that problems will overwhelm you and affect your quality of life will diminish because your source of well-being does not come from fighting off problems, but from letting go of the imperfections of the world.
Viewing problems as opportunities is embedded in a forgiveness approach. This does not mean that all problems will be solved or that you won’t struggle to address issues, but it does mean that you have a source of reframing a problem in such a way that it yields an outcome that enhances rather than takes away from your well-being.
Engaging forgiveness fosters life patterns that will influence how you feel about others as well as how others feel about you. To develop a lifestyle that is motivated by forgiveness keep these concepts in mind:
- Seeking and giving forgiveness is, first, for you and secondarily for others.
- Forgiveness is primarily a way of thinking and secondarily a behavior.
- You can forgive and feel better in any situation.
- Forgiveness always helps you move on.
Forgiveness Exercise
Take a moment and identify an issue that is bother you and that you might address with forgiveness.
This could be in the form of forgiving someone or something. It could also be through the seeking of forgiveness.
The four previous points (above) have been reworded to questions. Respond to each of them as they relate to your issue.
Finding positive affect when there is no opportunity to realistically right a wrong or fix a problem is an invaluable skill. To do so harness psychological forces underlying forgiveness to heal you even when circumstances won’t change.
Employing forgiveness, which helps you to focus on the positives, puts the past into the past and allows you to focus on what is good or happy about the present.
This could be in the form of forgiving someone or something. It could also be through the seeking of forgiveness.
The four previous points (above) have been reworded to questions. Respond to each of them as they relate to your issue.
- How will seeking (or giving) forgiveness help me?
- How do I need to think about this issue for me to engage a forgiveness response?
- How will giving (or seeking) forgiveness cause me to feel better?
- How will forgiveness help me to move past this issue?
Finding positive affect when there is no opportunity to realistically right a wrong or fix a problem is an invaluable skill. To do so harness psychological forces underlying forgiveness to heal you even when circumstances won’t change.
Employing forgiveness, which helps you to focus on the positives, puts the past into the past and allows you to focus on what is good or happy about the present.